In the Lonely Hours

10:45 at night. I have a 5 am wake up call in the morning, and I am wide awake with no hope of falling asleep any time soon. Scared. Stressed. Lonely. Such a recipe for insomnia. You'd think my body and mind would want to escape the reality of my current situation and drift in a dream world where life is more stable.

A year after starting this new season of my life and I'm still flailing around like a fish out of water. I've decided, for me at least, my divorce was the best and worst decision all rolled into one. Some days I feel so freed by that decision and others I feel paralyzed. It's mostly in the lonely hours of the evening, when I can't sleep, that it feels so debilitating. I'm so tired of being angry and resentful. I want to let it all go. There's still so much from my past that continues to affect my present that I sometimes wonder if it will always linger.