Driving in to work today it dawned on me that it's my parent's anniversary. I sent a quick text, all the while cursing myself for not remembering earlier in time to mail a card. As soon as I hit send I was overcome with emotion. Lots of different emotions to be exact. Sadness, jealousy, admiration, happiness, love and so much more. 36 years. Plenty of which they've both admitted weren't the best. But they made it. They pushed beyond uncomfortable times and found themselves in a new love on the other side. The other side that I'll never see. The side I couldn't manage to get to after just 8 years.
I so wanted that. The love story of years of growing, learning, and experiencing together. The quiet nights at home musing over all that happened between two people during life's craziest of storms. The romantic in me wants to believe it's still possible. The jaded, damaged, broken, cynic in me accepts that it may not. That my heartbreak isn't just now, in this phase of my life, but that it will continue to haunt me. In the form of a dream never fulfilled.
A dream of someone to care for me. The way I care for those I love. This morning I was overwhelmed with the loss of that dream. The idea of someone. Anyone. You.
You, the one who'll look at me as though I'm magic.
You, the one who wants me to be a part of your reality.
You, the one who can't stop talking to me.
You, the one who can be comfortable in silence.
You, who will assert your desires with command.
You, who will so gently hold me.
My dream of you has faded. Only to be remembered in moments of brief yet complete and utter vulnerability.
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